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The Man Rules

Posted by Randy 
The Man Rules
October 06, 2009 11:25AM
Finally, the guys’ side of the story. We always hear ” the rules “from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered “1 ” ON PURPOSE

1.Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are..Don’t ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” We will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as FOOTBALL, DISC GOLF or NASCAR.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.
Anonymous User
Re: The Man Rules
October 06, 2009 12:22PM
Gabriel came to the Lord and said,
>
> "I have to talk to you .

> I have some Cajuns up here in

> Heaven who are causing some problems .

> They are swinging on the pearly
>
> gates, sliding down stairway to Heaven, and my horn is missing
>
> They play their accordions and
>
> dance all night!
>
> Crawfish shells and beer cans are
>
> all over the streets of gold and they're making sausage, boudin, and cracklins
>
> on every corner.

> There is rice all over the clouds!


> They have eaten almost every

> animal up here!

> Some folks are walking around with

> one wing missing .

> There is barbecue sauce all over their

> robes and some of them aren't even wearing their halos, saying they won't wear

> it because it doesn't have an LSU logo on it.

> The Lord said, "I made them special, as I did you, my angel .

> Heaven is home to all my children

> If you really want to know about
>
> problems, let's call the Devil and see how he is dealing with his Cajuns."

> The Devil answered the phone,
>
> "Hello? Dang it, hold on!"

> The Devil returned to the phone
>
> and said, "Hello God, what can I do for you?"

> God replied, "Tell me what
>
> kind of problems you are having down there with the Cajuns you have
>
> there."

> The Devil said, "Wait a
>
> minute," and puts the Lord on hold .

> After 5 minutes he returned to the
>
> phone, and said, "Okay, I'm back . What's the question?"

> God asked again, "What kind
>
> of problems are you having with the Cajuns down there?"

> The Devil said, "Man, I don't
>
> believe this.. . Hold on, God.."

> This time, the Devil was gone for
>
> 15 minutes . The Devil returned and said, "I'm sorry, God, I can't talk
>
> right now .

> These coon asses have done put out
>
> the fire, and are holding a benefit jambalaya dinner to install air
>
> conditioning!!"
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